In Mundane Times, Purpose
I keep coming back to the same thing... what am I here for?
It seems these days we're stuck in one place, one moment in time, with no where to go or nothing to look out for. So naturally it's comes up, what is the purpose of right now?
I caught myself in one of my meditation practices looking out to the next moment, to when the bell would sound to signal the end. It was a pattern that felt familiar... looking out to the next thing, event, person, insight, posture.
Why? What's so wrong with what I have right now?
I realized it had little to do with me thinking there was something wrong with what I had and more to do with a pattern I've been engraining for a long time. Why and how did that pattern start? I'll have to get back to you on that!
But as soon as I noticed it take root subconsciously in my sitting practice, I was able to let it go and be in the moment without having that piece of my attention always stuck in the future, looking out. I just needed to slow down to notice it was silently working in the background.
And finally, a release and settling was possible. Where I felt, yeah I could be happy here for a while. Forever, is the goal.
What can I do today, right now, that will leave me with even the tiniest sense of purpose? I'm realizing little by little how small that can be. How seemingly insignificant but actually the profound the things we focus on in our daily life can be breathtaking, mundane & perfect.
Nothing else is necessary. I can trust I got everything I need, because this looking out seems to be coupled with the anxiety that there's something missing. But that's just the pattern talking.
The sun coming in through my window, taking time in my day to sit and do nothing, having one really genuine conversation with a student via zoom, moving this body, feeling this body, putting myself in someone else’s shoes, reaching out to a friend for no particular reason.
We can start new in any moment even when our days feel the same, by re-directing our attention to the life inside us and its reflection in the world outside us.